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Walter Jeff Dunham Santa is this Jolly Enough Merry Christmas shirt . Vogue has offered a panoply of slimming strategies through the ,I will get this years, from a weight-reducing corset (December 1904)—unfair; corsets and diets should be either/or—to a neat recipe for nonfattening salad dressing (from “How to Not Be So Fat,” January 1939: “Press the juice from a can of okra, and to the liquid add a third of a cupful of finely chopped garden greens,” etc., etc.). There were diet handbooks; ideas for boozing up Sego, a meal-replacement drink popular in the ’60s; a modest theory by Dr. Robert Atkins called the “Take it off Keep it off Super Diet” (June 1970), which became a book (Dr. Atkins’ Diet Revolution) then a several hundred-million-dollar industry. There were also instances of sharp criticism of the entire weight-control endeavor—but more on that later. Vogue published its first day-by-day diet recommendation in 1913 and its last in 1996. Its most recent diet piece was by me, in 2020, on intuitive eating.

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I spent several days deciding which diets to try, crossing all liquid diets off my list after reading a 1979 piece that described several women dying after following them Walter Jeff Dunham Santa is this Jolly Enough Merry Christmas shirt . Ditto for schemes involving cardiovascularly risky drugs like Redux and fen-phen. I’d only follow each regimen for one day, and wouldn’t try to lose weight, because we know that doesn’t work. (I’ll come back to this, too.) Instead, I’d briefly experience what an adherent to the ,I will get this diet would experience, but without forgoing my daily café au lait because I’m not a zealot. Vogue’s 1973 “Chinese Diet” beckons. The recipes are varied and include beef shin casserole and shrimp ball soup and MSG, which I love. But they’re labor intensive, and involve making one’s own shrimp balls. So I begin instead on Monday morning with the “New Cottage Cheese Diet” (May 1959). I normally breakfast around 10:30 a.m. on a bowl of rice or congee, or beans and an egg, or sometimes a bowl of soup. I scan the “New Cottage Cheese Diet” several times and find none of these. I opt for “a half grapefruit,” which I douse in olio nuovo, scatter with Maldon sea salt and parsley, and call it a meal. It is delicious and novel and I’m still hungry, but my lunch, a cottage cheese soufflé, takes almost an hour to make, so I start whisking eggs. The instant the soufflé is done, risen and golden, I eat half, but then have to start thinking about dinner: “five shrimp, one medium boiled lobster, and six small olives.” What counts as a small olive? Instead I make Baked Cottage Cheese–Stuffed Peppers. But instead of peppers, I use eggplant, and instead of cottage cheese, I use fresh mozzarella, ricotta, and Parmesan. Does this go against the letter of the law? Yes, but ricotta and cottage cheese are twins split at birth. Do my two glasses of Bourgogne Blanc break the letter and the spirit? Absolutely.
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